CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
NEXT!
NAME?
GUS GORMAN.
AH, YES. AUGUST GORMAN.
HAVE YOU LOOKED FOR WORK THIS WEEK?
UH...YES.
WHAT KIND?
UH...
KITCHEN TECHNICIAN.
DISHWASHER? ANY LUCK?
A LITTLE, BUT...
MR. GORMAN, YOU'VE BEEN UNEMPLOYED FOR 36 WEEKS.
NO, IT'S 35.
NOT COUNTING THIS WEEK.
YOU SECURED EMPLOYMENT LAST JUNE
AS A MESSENGER AND WERE DISCHARGED
AFTER ONE DAY FOR LOSING--
NO, NO, THEY SAID I LOST IT.
I DID NOT LOSE IT.
IT WAS STOLEN BY A PICKPOCKET.
A TELEVISION SET?
A TEENSY-WEENSY JAPANESE 2-INCH TELEVISION SET.
THE ONLY OTHER EMPLOYMENT YOU FOUND
WAS IN A FAST FOOD JOINT WHICH LASTED...
28 MINUTES?
THAT'S SOME RECORD.
TALK ABOUT FAST!
THEY EXPECT YOU TO LEARN STUFF IN ONE DAY.
HOLD THE LETTUCE!
HOLD THE KETCHUP!
CAN I HAVE SOME SAUCE?
2 BUNS! NO BUNS!
CHEESE! NO CHEESE!
THE CITY OF METROPOLIS IS GENEROUS TO A FAULT.
I'M NOT THE FAULT!
36 WEEKS OF CHRONIC UNEMPLOYMENT,
LIVING OFF THE TAXES OF HARD-WORKING CITIZENS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE?
I'M NOT A BUM!
YOU ARE...
I WAS ABOUT TO SAY,
NO LONGER ELIGIBLE.
NO LONGER--
NEXT!
I NEED THIS WEEK!
NEXT!
YOU MEAN THAT'S IT?
FINISHED? LIKE, OVER?
HUH!
NEXT!
NEXT.
NEXT AS IN "BYE."
NEXT!
NAME?
EXCUSE ME, BROTHER, CAN I HAVE A LIGHT?
[GUNSHOT]
SAY THANK YOU.
WOW!
WAY TO GO, SUPERMAN!
Computer: YOUR DRINK IS ON ITS WAY.
UH, SIR?
EXCUSE ME, BUT...
WHAT IF YOU WANT TO--
ENJOY YOUR DRINK!
PROGRAM 2 BILATERAL COORDINATES AT ONCE?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
BUT IF YOU--
COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY IS VERY ADVANCED,
BUT IT CAN'T DO THAT.
BUT IF WE CAN'T DO IT THAT WAY...
SIR?
GOOD LORD!
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DID IT.
WHO'S THIS?
THAT'S HIM, ROSS WEBSTER,
JUST AFTER HE RECEIVED THE AWARD
FOR HUMANITARIAN OF THE YEAR.
OH, HE IS GOOD-LOOKING!
I GAVE HIM F-2 AT 1/50th.
ONE THING I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WAS THE POINT OF THE STORY LOIS WROTE
IS HOW THIS ROSS WEBSTER GOT THIS GREAT HONOR.
AND YOU BRING ME ONE PICTURE OF HIM
AND 15 PICTURES OF THIS OTHER PERSON.
WHO IS SHE?
LORELEI AMBROSIA. SHE'S WEBSTER'S--
SHE'S JUST WEBSTER'S. LET'S LEAVE IT AT THAT.
WHO'S THIS OTHER WOMAN?
THAT'S HIS SISTER VERA.
PICTURE LOOKS FUZZY.
THE PICTURE'S FINE.
SHE LOOKS LIKE THAT.
SHE'S VICE PRESIDENT OF WEBSCOE INDUSTRIES.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
A BORING BANQUET,
AND YOU BRING ME 3,000 BORING PICTURES.
SUPERMAN SAVES A MAN FROM DROWNING
ON 3rd AVENUE,
AND YOU DON'T GET ONE PICTURE!
I DIDN'T HAVE MY CAMERA!
A PHOTOGRAPHER EATS WITH HIS CAMERA,
SLEEPS WITH HIS CAMERA.
I'M GLAD I'M A WRITER.
TIME TO DRAW THE JINGO NUMBER.
THE PRIZE IS A SOUTH AMERICAN TRIP!
I DON'T KNOW WHY--
MORNING, EVERYBODY.
HI, CLARK.
JIMMY, YOU'VE GOT MUSTARD ON YOUR LAPEL.
MR. WHITE, I HATE TO INTERRUPT--
I'M GETTING A PAPER OUT!
STICK TO THE PRINTING PRESS.
WHAT'S THE NUMBER?
"53."
MR. WHITE?
53!
YOU'VE GOT TO PULL 3 MORE NUMBERS.
MR. WHITE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK IT WOULD MAKE A TERRIFIC STORY.
WHAT'S A TERRIFIC STORY?
KENT'S HIGH SCHOOL CLASS REUNION.
SAY!
COULD WE HAVE THE NEXT NUMBER?
IT'S PRACTICALLY AN AMERICAN INSTITUTION.
MOST OF MY CLASSMATES
ARE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"33."
I THOUGHT THE STORY WOULD BE ABOUT--
33!
HOW MUCH SMALL TOWNS HAVE CHANGED.
CAN I GO BACK TO MIDDLE AMERICA
AFTER HAVING BECOME A METROPOLIS SOPHISTICATE?
I WAS LOOKING AROUND IN MY CLOSET LAST NIGHT
AND I EVEN FOUND...
MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEATER.
UH...SMALLVILLE.
SO SHOULD I MAKE MY TRAVEL PLANS?
WHAT ABOUT MINE?
ALL RIGHT, KENT.
THE PRODIGAL SON IS COMING HOME.
GEE, THANKS, MR. WHITE.
IT'S HARD LOSING ONE OF MY BEST REPORTERS.
OH, THAT'S OK.
BUT YOU DESERVE THE VACATION, LOIS.
THANK YOU.
LOIS, ARE YOU GOING SOMEPLACE?
SOME PEOPLE GET TO GO TO SMALLVILLE.
OTHERS OF US HAVE TO GO TO...
BERMUDA.
GOLLY.
BYE.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
MR. WHITE, THE NEXT NUMBER, PLEASE.
WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER BE GOING, TOO.
SO...I'LL BE GOING.
BYE.
COULDN'T A COMPUTER DO THIS?
HEY, WHAT IS THIS?
FIRST PAYCHECK?
FIRST RIP-OFF, MAN.
I'M SUPPOSED TO GET 225 A WEEK.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE ON 143.80?
STATE TAX, FEDERAL TAX, SOCIAL SECURITY.
YOU'LL GET MONEY WHEN YOU'RE 65.
WHEN I'M 65?
I WANT MINE NOW, WHILE I CAN ENJOY IT.
I WANT TO GET DOWN!
IT'S MORE LIKE $143.80 AND 1/2 CENT.
THERE ARE ALWAYS FRACTIONS LEFT OVER
IN BIG CORPORATIONS,
BUT THEY ROUND IT DOWN.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH 1/2 A CENT?
YOU MEAN EVERYBODY LOSES THOSE FRACTIONS?
THEY DON'T EXACTLY LOSE THEM.
YOU CAN'T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER GOT.
SO THE COMPANY GETS IT?
NOT REALLY. THEY CAN'T BE BOTHERED.
THEN WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM?
THEY'RE JUST FLOATING AROUND OUT THERE.
THE COMPUTERS KNOW WHERE.
HOW MANY SUGARS?
ONE AND A HALF.
IT'S QUITTING TIME. YOU COMING?
I'VE GOT SOME STUFF TO FINISH UP, SO...
WORKING OVERTIME, HUH?
WHAT YOU DOING, LOOKING FOR A RAISE?
YEAH. LOOKING FOR A RAISE.
THAT'S IT.
YOU BET.
BUT MY UNCLE AL WON'T EAT HER STUFFING.
HE SAYS IT SHOULD BE COOKED OUTSIDE THE TURKEY.
SHE COOKS IT ON THE INSIDE OF THE TURKEY.
AUNT HELEN, MY FATHER'S HALF SISTER--
I TOLD YOU THAT, RIGHT?
YEAH. HEY, LOOK AT THAT.
WOW!
TURN BACK OR PULL OVER HERE AND WAIT.
FOR HOW LONG?
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT FIRE'S SPREADING LIKE WILD...FIRE.
IT'S JUST A BUILDING BURNING.
THAT'S A CHEMICAL PLANT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, IT'S LIKE CHEMICALS.
IF THAT GOES UP IN SMOKE,
WE'LL BE IN FOR A HAIRY TIME AROUND HERE.
OK.
DISTRACT THESE PEOPLE
SO THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
THE CHIEF SAYS A PHOTOGRAPHER ALWAYS GOES AFTER A STORY.
THAT COULD BE DANGEROUS.
DANGER GOES WITH THE TERRITORY, MR. KENT.
HOW CAN I HELP?
GET THIS MAN A HELMET.
OH, IT'S YOU. FORGET THE HELMET.
HOW BAD IS IT?
IT'S A NIGHTMARE.
EVERYTHING'S EXPLOSIVE, INFLAMMABLE, OR WORSE.
GET ME A NUMBER 3 LADDER TRUCK IN HERE!
MY GOD, THEY'RE TRAPPED!
WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO, FLY THEM DOWN ONE AT A TIME?
LET'S GO! EVERYBODY DOWN HERE!
HURRY UP!
GO ON DOWN. TAKE IT EASY.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY DOWN.
YOU'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
I CANNOT LEAVE.
I'VE GOT TO LOOK AFTER THOSE.
THAT'S CONCENTRATED BERYLTRIC ACID.
IF IT HEATS OVER 180 DEGREES,
THIS FIRE WILL LOOK LIKE A PICNIC.
IF IT REMAINS STABLE, NO PROBLEM.
IF IT HEATS UP, IT'LL TURN VOLATILE.
IF THAT HAPPENS, YOU'LL GET A CLOUD
THAT'LL EAT THROUGH ANYTHING--
STEEL, CONCRETE, ANYTHING.
WHO THE HELL'S THAT?
GET OFF OF THERE!
I'LL JUST GET A COUPLE MORE SHOTS.
OWW!
AHHH!
HAVE THEM BRING THEIR HOSES HERE! QUICKLY!
HELP!
HELP ME!
HELP!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!
HELP!
SUPERMAN! IT'S MY LEG.
TAKE IT EASY.
WE'LL GO NICE AND EASY.
ALL RIGHT? HERE WE GO.
MEDICS! OVER HERE, PLEASE!
THAT'S IT. HERE YOU GO.
IT'S THE LEFT LEG.
MY CAMERA.
YEAH.
IT'S A CLEAN BREAK ACROSS THE FIBULA.
OW! MY CAMERA.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, JIMMY.
YOU'LL BE OK.
GET THAT FIRE OUT, OR YOU'LL HAVE AN ACID CLOUD!
CHRIST! THE PUMPHOUSE IS GONE!
THE PUMPHOUSE!
WE'VE LOST THE WATER PRESSURE!
WE'VE GOT TO HAVE WATER!
LAKE CANOGA'S 5 MILES FROM HERE!
WHERE'S THIS LAKE?
THAT WAY.
YOU TOLD ME WE HAD AN ADEQUATE WATER SUPPLY.
THAT MAN'S A MIRACLE.
CAROL, YOU GOT GORGEOUS!
?? TELL TCHAIKOVSKY THE NEWS ??
?? I'VE GOT A ROCKIN' PNEUMONIA ??
?? I NEED A SHOT OF RHYTHM AND BLUES ??
?? WHOO ??
?? I THINK I'LL CALL IN ALL THE WRITERS ??
?? WRITTEN DOWN BY THE RHYTHM REVIEWS ??
?? ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN ??
?? ROCKIN' IN TWO BY TWO ??
I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
FOURTH QUARTER, SCORE WAS TIED.
WE WERE BACK ON OUR 25-YARD LINE.
THE COACH CALLS FOR RIGHT FLANKER OPTION.
?? ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN ??
?? ROCKING IN TWO BY TWO ??
YOU REALLY HAVE GROWN, CLARK.
YOU LOOK VERY WELL.
I CAN'T COMPLAIN.
I HAVE THESE LITTLE SPELLS,
BUT, REALLY, I CAN'T COMPLAIN.
?? WELL, EARLY IN THE MORNING ??
?? I'M A-GIVING YOU THE WARNING ??
?? DON'T YOU STEP ON MY BLUE SUEDE SHOES ??
?? HEY, DIDDLE-DIDDLE, I WILL PLAY MY FIDDLE ??
EXCUSE ME.
THERE'S SOMEONE I'D LIKE TO SEE.
?? AND TELL TCHAIKOVSKY THE NEWS ??
LANA?
LANA LANG?
IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
YOU LOOK...WOW!
HERE, LET ME.
OH, NO, NO. I CAN MANAGE.
UH...
ISN'T THIS YOUR FIRST VISIT
SINCE YOUR MOM PASSED AWAY?
YEAH--I'M SORRY.
UM...
I HEARD THAT YOU AND DONALD SPLIT UP.
DID YOU EAT YET?
NO.
I BEG YOUR PARDON.
EXCUSE ME. SORRY.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT DONALD AND ME,
BUT HOLD THIS A SECOND, OK?
OH, SURE.
HI, KENT.
OH, HI. HOW YOU...DOING?
I'M SORRY.
I'M GOING NUTS. THANKS.
?? WELL, EARLY IN THE MORNING ??
?? I'M A-GIVING YOU THE WARNING ??
CLARK.
YEAH.
HEY, LANA.
UH-OH. UM...
HEY, SWEET.
HERE I AM.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE PROM QUEEN?
EVERYONE WANTED TO DANCE WITH YOU.
THERE'S ONLY ONE GUY ON YOUR DANCE CARD NOW.
THAT'S GOOD OLD--
BRAD WILSON.
HI, BRAD.
HI, KENT. LONG TIME NO SEE.
YOU KNOW, SEE. SEE?
COME ON, LANA.
I CAN'T.
CLARK ALREADY ASKED ME.
I DID?
OH, EXCUSE ME.
LANA, I HAVEN'T DANCED...
?? ROLL OVER, BEETHOVEN ??
?? STICK TO THESE RHYTHM AND BLUES ??
[SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
?? OH-OH-OH-OH ??
?? WA-A-A ??
?? OH-OH-OH-OH ??
?? EARTH ANGEL ??
?? WILL YOU BE MINE? ??
?? MY DARLING DEAR ??
?? LOVE YOU ALL THE TIME ??
?? I'M JUST A FOOL... ??
AH, GORMAN.
ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER CHECK.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE FOR ME?
I PUT IN A VOUCHER FOR EXPENSES.
WHAT?
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
HERE YOU GO.
WOOOH!
A-HEM.
THANKS FOR HELPING ME OUT.
A LOT OF GUYS WOULD LIKE TO BE WHERE I AM.
YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY OFFERS
I DIDN'T GET.
EVEN BRAD WOULDN'T STICK AROUND FOR THIS.
IT ISN'T EASY.
THE STREAMERS? JUST PULL, AND THEY...
NOT THE STREAMERS. EVERYTHING.
I DON'T KNOW WHY,
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TALK TO YOU.
WHAT?
I FEEL I CAN TALK TO YOU!
YOU CAN?
YES.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, LANA?
WHAT?
I, UH...
I ALWAYS WISHED THAT YOU WOULD.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE QUEEN OF THE PROM?
3 YEARS AFTER THE ROYAL WEDDING,
THE KING ABDICATED.
ISN'T THAT TERRIBLE?
YEAH, IT SURE IS.
THERE MUST BE A GALLON
OF POTATO SALAD LEFT OVER.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS?
TOO MUCH MAYONNAISE?
DONALD LOVED MAYONNAISE.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT WAS THE PROBLEM?
THE PROBLEM IS,
WHY DO I STAY IN SMALLVILLE?
DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE
TO LIVE IN METROPOLIS,
THE BIG APRICOT?
LANA, YOU COULD--
HOW? AND WHAT ABOUT RICKY?
RICKY?
MY LITTLE BOY.
YOU HAVE... THAT'S GREAT.
HERE WE HAVE A HOUSE, AND I'VE GOT A JOB.
I'M ONLY A SECRETARY, BUT IT PAYS THE BILLS.
EXCEPT FOR LAST WINTER
WHEN THE FUEL BILLS KEPT GOING UP AND UP.
I HAD TO PAWN MY DIAMOND RING.
THAT'S A SHAME.
[WHISTLES]
YOU NEVER GOT MARRIED?
ME?
YEAH.
WELL, I WAS...
NO. NOT.
YOU KNOW, YEARS LATER,
YOU CAN LOOK AT SOMEONE AND THINK,
"THAT'S THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY."
GIVE ME THAT AGAIN.
RUN IT BY ME JUST ONE MORE TIME.
$85,000.
MISSING?
EMBEZZLED, MR. WEBSTER.
STOLEN FROM THE FIRM.
BY WHOM? THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.
VERA, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!
NOBODY ELSE EVER WILL.
I DON'T KNOW, WHO?
IN THE OLD DAYS, IT WAS SIMPLE.
WE KEPT BOOKS,
WE HAD LEDGERS,
WE KNEW WHAT WAS PAID OUT.
A ROBBER CARRIED A GUN AND SAID,
"STICK 'EM UP."
NOW THESE BLASTED COMPUTERS DO THEIR DIRTY WORK.
MY OLD FRIEND,
YOU ARE YESTERDAY.
WHOEVER PULLED THIS CAPER IS TOMORROW.
HONEY BUNCH?
MR. WEBSTER, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR MASSAGE.
DOES SHE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BURST IN--
NO, NO, VERA, VERA! SIMPSON, YOU KNOW
MY PSYCHIC NUTRITIONIST?
HELLO.
WE'RE TRYING TO HOLD A MEETING HERE!
HOLD YOUR BREATH INSTEAD.
MAYBE YOU'LL TURN BLUE. HA! IMPROVEMENT.
I'M ABOUT TO TAKE A HUMAN LIFE!
SIMPSON, WOULD YOU EXCUSE US, PLEASE?
TELL HER I WON'T TO STOP-- LET HER--
MOUTHS CLOSED. EARS OPEN.
SHE'S A PIG!
I CAN'T HAVE ANYONE WITH ME
WHO ISN'T WITH ME.
NOW...
SIMPSON,
WELL, OLD CHUM, WHAT NOW,
KISS THE 85 THOU GOODBYE?
KEEP PAYING THE THIEF HIS SALARY
UNTIL HE THINKS UP MORE WAYS TO SHAKE THE MONEY TREE?
HE'LL SLIP UP SOONER OR LATER.
WHY?
THEY SAY THAT IN THE MOVIES.
HE WON'T SLIP UP.
HE'LL KEEP A LOW PROFILE.
HE WON'T DO A THING
TO CALL ATTENTION TO HIMSELF.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
HE IS A COMPLETE AND UTTER MORON.
[TIRES SCREECH]
WE'RE FIRST. UM...ANDREW.
I'LL PICK CHRIS.
UM...MARK.
I'LL TAKE JAMIE.
WE'RE STUCK WITH RICKY?
YOU LOST THE TOSS.
COME ON, RICKY.
GOOD LUCK.
I CAN'T STAND THIS.
HE'LL BE OK.
I WAS A LATE BLOOMER MYSELF.
IT'S NOT JUST THAT HE'S SMALL FOR HIS AGE.
HE'S THE ONLY KID IN TOWN WITHOUT A FATHER.
LOOK, HE'S STEWED TO THE GILLS
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON.
HE ONLY HAD CHOCOLATE MILK.
I MEAN HIM.
HEY, SWEET THING.
KID GETTING HASSLED, HUH?
KENT, YOU STILL HERE?
I SEEM TO BE.
THE KID NEEDS POINTERS FROM THE CHAMP HERE.
I WON THE ALL-COUNTRY BOWLING CHAMPIONSHIP.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
ACTUALLY, I CAN PLAY ANY SPORT.
BRAD, YOU'LL JUST MAKE IT WORSE.
CLARK, HE'LL MAKE IT WORSE.
WATCH. HE'LL GET A SPARE.
COME ON, RICKY.
HEY, KID, YOU'RE HOLDING IT ALL WRONG.
I'LL SHOW YOU.
UH, BRAD...
I THINK HE'LL BE BETTER OFF
DOING IT HIS WAY.
YOU GOT A BIG MOUTH, KENT.
RICKY DOESN'T NEED A BOWLING LESSON
IN FRONT OF THE OTHER KIDS.
HE NEEDS A MAN TO SHOW HIM.
HE'S DOING FINE ON HIS OWN.
EXCUSE ME.
HERE YOU GO.
GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT.
OH! SORRY.
AH-CHOO!
GESUNDHEIT.
THANK YOU.
HEY, GUS.
THE BOSS WANTS TO SEE YOU.
HE CAN SEE ME FROM HERE.
HELLO, MR. LEWIS.
NOT THAT BOSS. THEBOSS.
YOU MEANTHEBOSS?
YEP.
WANTS TO SEE ME?
WHY WOULD HE WANT TO SEE ME?
WHY WOULD THE BOSS
WANT TO SEE ME?
THERE'S NO REASON.
OH, I KNOW!
MY SUGGESTION FOR THE VOLLEYBALL UNIFORMS.
THAT'S IT.
ROSS THE BOSS.
BOSSY ROSS THE BOSS.
BE CALM, BE COOL, BE COLLECTED.
OK, UH...
MR. WEB--MR. WEBSTER?
MR. WEBSTER?
MR. WEBSTER, I DID NOT...
MR. AUGUST GORMAN?
AAH! SIR! AUGUST GORMAN HERE.
I KNOW YOU'RE A COMPASSIONATE MAN.
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL
BECAUSE THERE'S ROBBERS AND RAPISTS--
JUST ONE QUESTION.
YOU'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY GUY,
HAVEN'T YOU?
COME ON, ADMIT IT.
YOU'VE BEEN A LITTLE BIT NAUGHTY.
I WAS--
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND.
I CAN--WHAT DO YOUNG FOLKS SAY?
"DIG WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM, BROTHER."
YOU WANT TO BE RICH, RIGHT?
WELL, I...
I WAS BORN RICH.
NEVER WORN THE SAME SOCKS TWICE.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR SOCKS?
THEY'RE LAUNDERED
AND SENT TO SOME CHARITABLE INSTITUTION.
MAYBE THEY'RE TURNED INTO DUST RAGS
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OR MAYBE SOCKS.
YES. THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.
GUS, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU'RE A GENIUS.
A NAUGHTY GENIUS,
BUT NOBODY'S PERFECT.
CHEERS!
BECAUSE OF THE THING WITH THE COMPUTERS.
BECAUSE COMPUTERS RULE THE WORLD TODAY,
AND THE FELLOW THAT FOOLS COMPUTERS
CAN RULE THE WORLD.
I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR A LONG TIME
FOR SOMEBODY TO MAKE THESE MACHINES DO
WHAT THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO.
UNDERSTAND?
YES!
WEBSCOE, THE WEBSCOE INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX,
IS A FAMILY-OWNED CARTEL.
LITTLE MAGNESIUM HERE,
LITTLE ZINC THERE.
YOU FOLLOW ME?
I FOLLOW YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT NOW?
NO.
I WANT COFFEE.
BLACK? CREAM OR SUGAR?
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
UNDER DIFFERENT COMPANY NAMES,
I CONTROL THE PRICE OF COFFEE BEANS
IN VENEZUELA, BRAZIL, BOLIVIA, JAMAICA,
AND THE REPUBLIC OF GABON.
BUT I'VE GOT A PROBLEM,
AND I THINK YOU CAN HELP ME.
ONE COUNTRY WON'T PLAY BALL.
THAT CAN BUG A GUY.
THAT COULD BUG...
WHAT COUNTRY?
COLOMBIA.
COLOMBIA!
COLOMBIA HAS 2 IMPORTANT EXPORTS.
ONE IS COFFEE.
I'VE TRIED TO REASON WITH THEM.
BUT THIS ONE MISERABLE COUNTRY
THINKS IT CAN DICTATE
THE ECONOMY OF AN OPEN MARKET.
GUS...
GUS, MY FRIEND,
WE'RE GOING TO TEACH THEM A LESSON,
AREN'T WE?
MR. WEBSTER...
DESTROY THE COLOMBIAN COFFEE CROP
RIGHT DOWN TO THE LAST BEAN.
THE LAST BEAN? WE ARE?
BUT YOU GOT SO MUCH.
YOU KNOW--
A WISE MAN SAID--
I THINK IT WAS ATTILA THE HUN--
"IT IS NOT ENOUGH THAT I SUCCEED.
EVERYONE ELSE MUST FAIL."
SEEMS FAIR.
GUS.
WHAT?
YOU ARE GOING TO DO THIS FOR ME.
HOW?
THE WEATHER.
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOUR MOTHER WAS HERE.
I'M HIS BABY SISTER.
GUS, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF VULCAN?
HI, MISS VULCAN.
VULCAN IS THE WEATHER SATELLITE
THAT'S MONITORING THE WEATHER.
IF SOMEBODY WERE TO REPROGRAM IT,
IT COULD DO MORE.
IT COULDMAKEWEATHER.
STORMS AND FLOODS.
BLIZZARDS, HEAT WAVES.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
LIKE EVERYTHING IN THE 20th CENTURY,
YOU PUSH BUTTONS.
THERE YOU GO.
IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE WON ANYTHING.
YOU WON MY HAND.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I WON ANYTHING VALUABLE.
GET ONE WITH THE SOMBREROS.
MR. WHITE, YOU BE IN THIS.
DO I HAVE TO?
WHY DO I?
YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T FIRE YOU.
I GET A CHANCE TO GET EXCLUSIVE PICTURES
OF THE BIGGEST CHEMICAL FACTORY FIRE IN HISTORY,
AND HE COMES HOME WITH A BROKEN LEG
AND 12 MELTED ROLLS OF FILM.
IT WAS HOT.
SMILE, MR. WHITE.
SOUTH AMERICA. WHAT LUCK!
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE TRACED,
PUNCH IN TO SOME RINKY-DINK OUTFIT
THAT HAS A MICKEY-MOUSE COMPUTER.
SOMEPLACE YOU CAN SNEAK INTO, RIGHT?
SOMEPLACE WHERE NOBODY KNOWS HIM
SO THEY CAN'T CONNECT HIM WITH US.
WEBSCOE HAS 112 SUBSIDIARIES.
THEY'RE ALL LINKED
INTO THE CENTRAL COMPUTER SYSTEM.
HOW ABOUT SOMEPLACE...SMALL?
SMALLVILLE!
THIS IS SMALLVILLE.
WE'LL HAVE A 5-MINUTE STOP.
WATCH YOUR STEP, PLEASE.
THANKS, SELMA.
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
LET ME HELP YOU, LANA.
OH, I'M SORRY.
THANKS, CLARK.
SIT DOWN, BUSTER. GOOD BOY.
COME ON, BUSTER.
SIT DOWN!
ALL SET? GREAT.
WOW.
THAT'S IT, OK?
JESUS CHRIST!
[THUNDER]
DON'T THEY HAVE PICNICS IN METROPOLIS?
NOT LIKE THIS, RICKY.
WE DO THIS A LOT.
YOU DO?
STAY CLOSE AND BE CAREFUL.
OK, MOM.
COME ON, BUSTER.
LET'S FIND A RABBIT.
THIS IS NICE FOR HIM.
IT'S EVEN NICER
WHEN THERE'S A MAN AROUND.
THERE'S A LOT OF CHOICES.
ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE MARRIED.
THAT'S WHY BRAD THINKS
HE'S GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN.
HE WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.
I MEANT THERE'S A LOT OF CHOICES HERE.
THIS IS SOME PICNIC.
THERE'S SOME OF THAT...
AND...MMM! GREEN STUFF.
AND...HEY, PAT?.
BOY, THIS PAT? IS REALLY UNUSUAL.
I DIDN'T MAKE PA--
OH, CLARK.
THAT'S BUSTER'S DOG FOOD.
IT'S GOOD.
DON'T EAT IT!
THIS IS NICE.
HERE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, LANA.
THANKS.
HEY! WHERE YOU GOING?
COME ON! BUSTER!
HOW LONG-- I WAS THINKING--
SORRY. GO AHEAD.
YOU.
WELL...
I WAS THINKING SOMEBODY LIKE YOU
COULD DO WELL IN METROPOLIS.
I HAVE TO FACE IT.
I'M NOT GOING TO FIND WHAT I WANT
IN SMALLVILLE ANYMORE.
COULD I MAKE IT IN METROPOLIS?
WHAT WOULD I DO?
CALL ME.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO.
WOULDN'T WANT TO CALL ME?
I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A NUISANCE.
YOU COULDN'T BE A NUISANCE, LANA.
CLARK, MAY I TELL YOU SOMETHING?
MY OIL PAN IS LEAKING.
SEE? THERE'S SOMETHING DRIPPING.
YOU NEED A HAND?
NO, THANKS.
I STUDIED UP ON AUTO REPAIR.
LOOK AT THIS.
OH, BOY.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
LANA, I'LL GO SEE IF RICKY'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU OK?
YEAH.
GOSH! IS HE ALL RIGHT?
HI.
SUPERMAN?
THAT'S ME.
MOM! MOM!
RICKY!
HAVE HIM CHECKED BY A DOCTOR.
THANK YOU. I'M LANA LANG.
THIS IS RICKY.
THIS IS CLARK.
I HAVE TO BE GOING. SO LONG, RICKY.
WE WERE FLYING!
WHAT WERE YOU DOING?
LOOKING FOR BUSTER.
BUSTER!
I FOUND HIM!
BUSTER!
MR. KENT?
SUPERMAN WAS HERE!
WHAT?
HE REALLY WAS.
AREN'T YOU EXCITED?
I'M FROM METROPOLIS.
I SEE SUPERMAN EVERY DAY.
YOU DO?
COULD YOU GET ME HIS AUTOGRAPH?
IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME...
[BUZZER RINGS]
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.
WHAT?
FIRST OF ALL, THEY LOST THE INVOICE,
THEN REALIZED THEY WERE SHORT ON SOME ITEMS.
I RENTED A CAR BECAUSE I MISSED THE PLANE.
HAD A FLAT TIRE ON THE HIGHWAY.
HAD TO FIX IT MYSELF WITH THESE PINKIES.
I FIGURED YOUR BOSS WOULD BE REAL PEEVED.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE'LL HANG OUR BUTTS AGAINST THE WALL.
HE WANTED THIS ORDER INSTALLED
NO LATER THAN TOMORROW.
I GOT TO SET UP TONIGHT.
GET WHAT SET UP?
PAL, YOU'RE A REAL LIFESAVER.
I MEAN A REAL LIFESAVER!
WHERE'S THE OFFICE?
STRAIGHT AHEAD.
FOLLOW ME.
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
OH, YEAH.
NOT BAD.
PRETTY GOOD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS SINGAPORE WING?
SLING. SINGAPORE SLING.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
THERE'S NOT ENOUGH VODKA.
THERE'S NO VODKA IN IT!
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
PUT SOME VODKA IN IT.
WHAT DID YOU...
YOU KNOW, HEY...
THERE'S VODKA IN IT NOW, BUDDY.
YEAH. YEAH, PERFECT.
YOU NEVER PASS OUT, DO YOU?
NOPE.
NEVER.
COWBOY'S DOWN, BUDDY.
YOU THOUGHT I WAS DRUNK, TOO,
DIDN'T YOU?
HA HA! FOOLED YOU.
GET THE KEYS.
YEOWWW!
SOME...SOME... SOMEBODY'S DRUNK.
I'M NOT DRUNK.
HELLO, BABY.
OK.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET DOWN TO IT
AND LET'S DO IT.
ONE, TWO, BUTTON YOUR SHOE.
THEN PUT IT IN...
BOTHKEYS...
AT THE SAME TIME?
HO HO!
WAIT. WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU THINK YOU'VE WON, DON'T YOU?
THE PHILLY FLASH.
VROOM! VROOM!
OK...READY?
1...
2...
3!
YEAH. NOW...
WE'LL SEE WHAT WE'LL SEE.
OH!
OH...
OH.
COME ON. PLEASE LET ME IN.
THERE IT IS!
HELLO. NOW!
GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS.
I AM A GENIUS.
I AM A...
UM...LONGITUDE.
AND THE OTHER THING... LATITUDE, RIGHT?
OH, LOOK, MOREY.
A NATIVE WEDDING.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
iARRIBA!
THEY NEVER TOLD US THIS WAS THE RAINY SEASON.
Newscaster: METEOROLOGISTS ARE BAFFLED
BY THE TORNADO AND TORRENTIAL RAINSTORMS
THAT STRUCK COLOMBIA THIS AFTERNOON,
THREATENING TO DESTROY THE NATION'S COFFEE CROP
FOR THE NEXT 5 YEARS.
GALE-FORCE WINDS UP TO 250 MILES AN HOUR
HAVE LASHED THE COUNTRYSIDE,
WHILE 12 INCHES OF RAINFALL
HAVE BEEN RECORDED IN ONE DAY.
A SPOKESMAN FROM CALTECH
SAID THIS WAS THE MOST AWESOME DISPLAY OF--
TURN IT OFF!
IF I LAUGH HARDER,
I'LL SPLIT MY SIDES.
...SEEMS TO DEFY ALL LAWS OF WEATHER SYSTEMS
KNOWN TO SCIENCE.
POOR LITTLE COLOMBIA.
WELL. HA HA HA HA!
OOH! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT,
YOU BIG SILLY!
BUBBA, DO YOU REALIZE WHAT WE'RE ON TO?
DO I? EVERY TIME A DRUNK SOBERS UP,
HE'LL DRINK WEBSTER COFFEE.
WHY STOP AT COFFEE?
COFFEE GETS THE WORLD OFF TO WORK.
BUT WHAT KEEPS THE WORLD WORKING?
DIET SODA?
VERA, YOU MEAN...
YOU MEAN--
TODAY, COFFEE...
TOMORROW, THE OIL!
OIL?
IF GUS GORMAN CAN PUSH THE RIGHT BUTTONS--
I CAN HAVE IT ALL.
ALL THE OIL, ALL THE PUMPS,
ALL THE TANKERS.
THIS IS SOME NIFTY IDEA, VERA.
BOSS!
JUST THE MAN I WANT TO SEE.
IT IS NOT MY FAULT.
WHAT'S NOT YOUR FAULT?
SUPERMAN STARTED DOING HIS THING
WHEN YOU STARTED DOING YOURS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT AM I--
IT WAS ON TELEVISION, MAN.
DON'T CALL ME MAN.
I SAW COLOMBIA BITE THE DUST.
YOU DIDN'T SEE THE MAN FLYING OUT OF THE SKY
WITH HIS CAPE FLAPPING IN THE...
HIS CAPE WAS FLAPPING IN THE WIND.
HE WAS FLYING! HE WAS GREAT! WOOSHHH!
HIS CAPE BLEW IN THE WIND LIKE THIS,
AND HE LANDED IN THE MIDDLE
OF THIS BIG PLANTATION.
HE CHECKED EVERYTHING OUT WITH HIS X-RAY VISION.
THEN HE PUT LASER BEAMS
OUT OF HIS EYES ONTO EVERYTHING.
BZZZZ!
AND GUESS WHAT?
DRIED UP EVERYTHING, JUST LIKE THAT!
DRIED IT UP
LIKE MACHINES IN MEN'S ROOMS,
YOU KNOW, WHERE THE HOT AIR COMES OUT?
SOMETIMES THEY DON'T WORK.
BUT SUPERMAN'S WORKED.
AND YOU THINK HE TOOK BOWS?
NO, SIR. HE FLIES OFF AGAIN!
HE SAW WHAT CAUSED THE TROUBLE
AND FLEW INTO THE TORNADO,
WENT DOWN TO THE BOTTOM OF THE TORNADO,
AND TURNED IT UPSIDE DOWN!
I THOUGHT I'D GO CRAZY!
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT!
THE BIG END WAS ON THE BOTTOM.
THE LITTLE END WAS ON THE TOP.
MR. ROSS, IT WAS...
SUPERMAN'S BAD.
I'LL SAY HE WAS.
I MEAN, HE WAS BAD!
NO.
NO!
LET ME HELP.
IT WAS A PERFECT PLAN, FOOLPROOF!
WE WERE THE FOOLS.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
I DID WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO.